Ron A.

$boy = dude called Ron $cakeShop = whole bunch of outrageous media challenges $edibles = [journalistic writing escapades, programming conundrums from the 66th rung of Hell, web design Jenga towers and graphic design sumo mud wrestling matches] $appetite = years of grizzled experience hurling fingertips at keyboards $castorSugar = tenacious toiling of a multimedia magician $aftermath = gaping maw of time itself $digestiveSystem = clever metaphor about 19th century bourgeoisie or something goes here $hunt = never-ending journey of taking in and putting out new skills $absolutelySplendiferous = absolutely splendiferous There once was a $boy who walked into a $cakeShop, and upon sighting several imposing $edibles, proceeded to devastate them with the ungodly might of his $appetite. When the $castorSugar had settled, all that remained in the $aftermath was the churning of a $digestiveSystem successful in its $hunt. The $boy thought this was $absolutelySplendiferous.