Joomla Adult Website coding/design

I need a adult Joomla site designed and coded. The site should have the same functionality as this site: ass1st [dot] com which is a link dropping and trading adult site. I have started to design and code a similar site myself: pussydropper [dot] com but I only now realise that Joomla would be a better platform for this site. I would do this myself but I'm really pressed for time with a fulltime job. I believe this job will not be difficult for someone that knows what they are doing. We need this very urgently so 1 WEEK is a strict deadline. Please do not place bids unless you are 100% confident and certain you can meet the deadline. Unreasonable bids will be ignored. We also require a 1-3 day report on the status of the project. No excuses would be accepted for the delay. Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you.