May precious grandmother was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Three days before that we were having a Halloween part for the children at her house.. and then the news.
Ill never forget how I felt as I set at that kitchen recliner. It was hell. But I did not cry. Not one tear until my sister started screaming “that’s my best friend” and all I could do was hug her as she screamed and found and mixed with emotions.
What do you do for not only your 16 year old sister, but forever everyone but myself. Why myself? Because I can normally handle shit on my own on my own terms. I’m hard to get a long with. My nana was one of my biggest influences, she was my god to when i had nobody else. And I know, that she’s far from being in the grave yet.. but I can’t help to think, how much longer are going to have folding the woman who raised us. If it wasn’t for her pushing us to do better, we never would have. Her love and grace and knowledge has kept us on the straight and narrow.
She is still alive and for that I’m grateful. I’m grateful I get to spend me one more day with her. That I don’t have time to bed for it. I’m glad she’s heathy enough to enjoy them with us to.
All I can’t help but to think when the day comes, how are these calm people going to react? How am I going to react? We don’t know a life without our nana and we’re soon to believe we must. But I think about nana more, she’s used to this earth. She has spent her life here, and with her family and friends and she’s going to be starting over completely.
Death is scary. For all the participants. Cancer sucks and I hope she finds the hope she to carry the same strength as she is now.